I just woke up out of a dead sleep with an overwhelming emotional feeling.

I was having incredibly vivid dreams. Almost like I was reliving a time period of getting to know the many REDsters I met years ago. I was reliving the many dinner gatherings we had back when we were all just getting to know each other and just become friends. Back before divisions started to take place and people were deciding who they did and didn't like. Everyone was so young. Everyone was so friendly.

There were so many faces I have not seen in years. Some that aren't even alive anymore. People that you would never see together these days. People sitting next to each that would no longer sit next to each other.

I guess the emotion comes from those that I have not seen in so long. Those that I will never see again. Seeing people that I was always so happy to see. Seeing people that unfortunately are no longer happy to see each other. I was reliving those smiling faces. Those hugs. Those laughs. Those good times.

As much as I appreciated those times, this moment made me appreciate them so much more. They are gone.

I wish people wouldn't be such assholes. I wish I hadn't been such an asshole to some. I wish we could all just go back to where we were. Life is too short. We wont be here forever. Some of us are already gone.

I went to Thailand!

I didn't die!

why is it that every time i do something big, something else big happens? Bad timing or what?

Xanga!!! you again!

i think i have fallen off the face of the earth.. in more ways than one. i find myself slowly fading into the background noise. does anyone notice? sometimes it doesn't feel like it. sometimes i am surprised who does. it's never who you wish would have noticed...... that's what i notice.


I knew change was coming. So here i am. Changed.